I’m fighting the demons in my head

You might think, why don’t I tell friends?

I can’t. I don’t wish to pour my issues on to people. I appreciate the friendship. I don’t want to lose it by being such a baby, by being a person who is always assaulted by mental issues. So much so that I appear to be sad every day.

I wish I could tell them. I want to tell them. I want to tell them that every day, I feel like killing myself.
There is never a day where I wake up happy. I wake up sad. I wake up wishing that I didn’t. I wake up wondering what life will throw at me.

The only people who help me push on are my kids, and my friends. I truly don’t know what I would do without them.

That’s why i am so afraid of losing them. Losing the only things keeping me sane.

God I wish I could just tell them what’s wrong with me without people judging me badly.